Father's Day

My father, a pediatric surgeon, was not very good at expressing himself to me. He could be very sociable when he wanted, but I don't know that that was the real him. We argued a lot, but mostly because, according to my mother, he enjoyed hearing me logically and passionately defend myself. I, on the other hand, didn't enjoy arguing for sport.

There were times I wished my father would tell me he was proud of me; he apparently told everyone but me. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1995 and underwent an operation that gave him almost six more years of life. In those years, I learned not to expect what I wanted from him, but to accept what he offered, to enjoy the times nothing was said but a lot was shared.

Remember

While Veterans Day salutes living and deceased members of the military, Memorial Day honors those who died while serving. Those last three words are a powerful reminder of how much our armed forces sacrifice, that they accept the possibility of death from their first day of service to their last.

Easter Morn

You may recall this Lent I opted to continue living without something I'd given up since January 1. I succeeded, and, because my sacrifice wasn't tied to forty days, I was more focused on the moment, the true spirit of the season.

Lenten Momentum

I don't enjoy Fat Tuesday, much the way I don't party on New Year's Eve. It doesn't strike me as the best lead-in to a time of buckling down. I like Christmas, and if there were such a thing as Fat Saturday, I'd probably like it, too.

What am I giving up for Lent? Nothing I haven't quietly abstained from since January 1. You may call that cheating. I call it preparation.

WE MIGHT HAVE News

My ebook of twenty-four poems on love and chance, WE MIGHT HAVE, has hit #2 on the Kindle Store's bestseller list of Paid Asian American Poetry ebooks. Pick up a copy for Kindle or Nook and commiserate Valentine's Day with me.

Resolve

I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's resolution, but I have made resolutions mid-year and kept them.

Mid-2011, I resolved to learn George "Rhino" Thompson's Verbal Judo, as much as a means of self-discipline as of more effective communication.

Mid-2012, I made a daily commitment to three sun salutations after hearing they were part of Dr. Mehmet Oz's morning routine. Slowly but surely, they have improved my flexibility and weight. I've added some qi gong, reverse pushups, Figure 8s, and medicine ball work in a 20-minute continuous flow that kept me from feeling stuffed over the holidays. If I don't have twenty minutes, I just break the routine down and do one exercise.

The pressure to make and then keep New Year's resolutions is external. Internal resolve leads to more lasting results.

A Little Christmas

Sorry if my previous post brought you down. Two weeks ago, I mentioned taking joy when I could get it this season, not holding it for a scheduled time. Similarly, the greatest gifts are the ones we don't expect but that enrich our lives.

Yesterday, I got together with some friends, one of whom I hadn't seen in years. Our conversation was easy as always, and I was reminded why we became friends. I feel as if I can never thank friends like these enough, for knowing and accepting me, warts and all, for encouraging me just by their presence.

If I have given others the same gift, I am honored and glad. My best to you and yours.

At The 5-2: "Midnight Mass" by Robert Cooperman

The 5-2 wishes you a Merry Christmas with "Midnight Mass".

There's still a week left to submit to guest editor Gail White.

Don't tell me when to be jolly.

I agree that commercial societies celebrate the holidays too soon, and by "celebrate", I mean "exploit", but as I did my own shopping this season, it felt good to forgo some things I wanted in order to buy some things for friends. I admit to many Christmases being disappointed not getting exactly what I wanted from the people who supposedly know me best, being embarrassed not having enough money to buy splashy presents.

This year, it's more-than-ever clear to me that what I give or receive on one big day is not the point. I can take joy in the modest gifts I've gotten friends, and I don't need to wait until the 25th or later to give them. Christmas cards and gifts seem tokens, don't they, if giver and receiver forget each other the rest of the year?

Of course there are times and places to express feelings, but there is no wrong time to feel them, reflect on them, and from that reflection, better understand oneself.

In Keeping with Tradition

I've decorated my blog for year's end. Come in, grab a drink, and prepare for karaoke. Happy holidays to all.

At The 5-2: "Eating Pears" by Kim Welliver

This week, the first of two poems about Lizzie Borden.

Lulu.com's Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale runs through tomorrow, November 27, 11:59 P.M. Eastern. Get 30% off back issues of The Lineup: Poems on Crime in print with coupon code DELIRITAS.

I'm seeking a poem to run at The 5-2 the week of Christmas Eve, December 24. Deadline is November 30.

And I've begun collecting submissions for guest editor Gail White, whose chosen poem will run at The 5-2 the week of February 4.

Buy Another Day

By the time I decided yesterday's Amazon Gold Box deal on Bond 50 was worth my money (I already own most of the Bond movies I like on DVD, three on Blu-ray, and the same transfers were used for Bond 50), the supposed all-day price of $99.99 ($108.61 with New York tax) had sold out.

I'm not kicking myself too hard. If the price had been a tad better, my internal accountant would have said, "Yes! Buy now!" Instead, I'll keep an eye out for another deal or just buy more of my favorites if they're released individually.

Meanwhile, I did get in on the earlybird registration fee for Bouchercon 2013 in Albany ($150 until December 31). Paying it this month means it won't be among my last-minute Christmas expenses.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday as I am nothing if not grateful. In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, thinking of all I could have lost with a simple wind shift, I am especially grateful to gather with my family and to communicate with you.

My favorite part of the day is after lunch, slowly falling into a nap.

Here's a Thanksgiving poem for mature audiences only.

Twitter Treat

In case you missed it:

Another Quiet 4th

Many of my closest family members are in Florida through the weekend, so it looks to be a quiet day here. That's fine by me. The older I get, the less impressed I am with bombs bursting in air. Part of me would like to be doing something more exciting, but in quiet moments, I can reflect on the life I've been able to lead and be grateful for the freedom to lead it.

Father's Day

My father was a pediatric surgeon who was often called into work in the wee hours of the morning, on weekends, and holidays. He was also an avid gardener and fisherman, and though I never warmed to these hobbies, he was very present in my life.

He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 1995 (at age 61) and underwent surgery that gave him five more years. I wish we'd had more time together, but he remains present in my humor, my discipline, and probably countless other qualities.

Happy Father's Day, everyone.